1 00:00:06,216 --> 00:00:09,326 Niles, any more of those little sausage patties in the kitchen? 2 00:00:09,366 --> 00:00:13,196 - Hello. - Does that answer your question? 3 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:17,430 Oh, look, there's a big article 4 00:00:17,466 --> 00:00:20,416 about the charity auction that you're producing. 5 00:00:20,450 --> 00:00:25,500 How come you're standing right next to Fidel Castro? 6 00:00:25,830 --> 00:00:28,230 Ma, that's Miss Babcock. Niles had the paper first. 7 00:00:31,316 --> 00:00:35,476 "Sheffield Produces Benefit for New York Restoration Project." 8 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,160 - Oh, we're gonna make a fortune. - [CHUCKLES] 9 00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:40,380 It's time the fat cats puts something back. 10 00:00:40,416 --> 00:00:43,426 Fine. But I already licked it. 11 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:50,130 I am so sick of planning this charity event. 12 00:00:50,166 --> 00:00:53,176 How am I gonna fit four more people at this table? 13 00:00:53,216 --> 00:00:54,426 Give up your seat. 14 00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:59,150 Okay. Listen up. 15 00:00:59,183 --> 00:01:01,153 I am busting my butt 16 00:01:01,183 --> 00:01:04,203 for a benefit that doesn't involve profit and I've got PMS. 17 00:01:04,233 --> 00:01:06,173 The ice is thin! 18 00:01:11,166 --> 00:01:15,326 Good idea, C.C., putting Tom at our table. 19 00:01:16,483 --> 00:01:23,163 So who's Tom and does he have a Cruise, Hanks or Selleck after his name? 20 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:24,430 Rosenstein. 21 00:01:24,466 --> 00:01:27,426 Does he have a "doctor" before it? 22 00:01:29,133 --> 00:01:31,383 He happens to be one of the richest men in New York. 23 00:01:31,416 --> 00:01:33,326 And if schmoozed properly 24 00:01:33,366 --> 00:01:37,326 will be investing $5 million in our next show. 25 00:01:37,366 --> 00:01:41,156 Wow, never mind what he's got in front or after his name. 26 00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,470 Does he have an "and missus" anywhere near it? 27 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,180 Look, Miss Fine, this event won't interest you. 28 00:01:48,216 --> 00:01:52,446 No single men, no shrimp, and no stars will be there. 29 00:01:52,483 --> 00:01:55,323 What about Bette Midler? I thought she was coming. 30 00:01:55,350 --> 00:01:58,370 [GASPS] 31 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:02,470 But I also thought I had an inheritance and I'm probably wrong about that too. 32 00:02:05,383 --> 00:02:08,403 Oh, did I love Bette inFirst Wives Club. 33 00:02:08,433 --> 00:02:10,353 I really enjoyed that movie. 34 00:02:10,383 --> 00:02:14,253 I found a theater that had real butter. 35 00:02:14,283 --> 00:02:18,333 Not just that BS canola oil. 36 00:02:24,416 --> 00:02:29,366 Was the divine Miss M. in this house? 37 00:02:36,660 --> 00:02:41,000 Was she here the day that I miraculously found that ticket 38 00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:44,480 forVictor Victoria on the front stoop? 39 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,450 [GROANS] 40 00:02:47,483 --> 00:02:51,133 The auction's at 8. Dress formal. 41 00:02:51,166 --> 00:02:53,996 But I wasn't lying about the shrimp. 42 00:02:59,383 --> 00:03:02,233 ♪♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪♪ 43 00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:04,326 ♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out ♪♪ 44 00:03:04,660 --> 00:03:05,450 ♪♪ in one of those crushing scenes ♪♪ 45 00:03:05,483 --> 00:03:07,423 ♪♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪♪ 46 00:03:07,450 --> 00:03:10,250 ♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪ 47 00:03:10,283 --> 00:03:13,173 ♪♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door ♪♪ 48 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,470 ♪♪ She was there to sell makeup, but the father saw more ♪♪ 49 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,500 ♪♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there! ♪♪ 50 00:03:18,830 --> 00:03:21,370 ♪♪ That's how she became the nanny! ♪♪ 51 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,350 ♪♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we've described ♪♪ 52 00:03:24,383 --> 00:03:26,453 ♪♪ was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪♪ 53 00:03:26,483 --> 00:03:28,253 ♪♪ Now the father finds her beguiling ♪♪ 54 00:03:28,283 --> 00:03:30,003 ♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪ 55 00:03:30,330 --> 00:03:31,130 ♪♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪♪ 56 00:03:31,166 --> 00:03:32,316 ♪♪ Such joie de vivre! ♪♪ 57 00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:34,160 ♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪ 58 00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:37,470 ♪♪ when everybody else is wearing tan ♪♪ 59 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,100 ♪♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪♪ 60 00:03:40,133 --> 00:03:41,433 ♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪ 61 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:50,370 Hi, Mr. Sheffield. 62 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,830 I brought some of my stuff in 63 00:03:52,116 --> 00:03:54,826 that I wanna donate to your auction. 64 00:03:54,116 --> 00:03:56,346 Now, I've got myWhat's Happening 65 00:03:56,383 --> 00:04:00,503 The Raj thermos is a little bit cracked 66 00:04:00,830 --> 00:04:03,480 but I don't really think that that will affect the value. 67 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:07,470 [CHUCKLES] Miss Fine, that-- That's very sweet of you 68 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:12,480 but, well, you see, they're actually auctioning off items like this. 69 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:17,230 - "Audrey Hepburn's Oscar, $30,000. - Ooh. Wow! 70 00:04:17,266 --> 00:04:20,316 Tennis match with Andre Agassi, 50,000." 71 00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:22,370 Oh, my. Well, I'm guessing 72 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,200 that my autographed Donna PescowTV Guide 73 00:04:25,233 --> 00:04:28,323 won't bring in anywhere near that. 74 00:04:30,283 --> 00:04:33,283 Wait a minute. 75 00:04:33,316 --> 00:04:36,326 What do you think that they would pay 76 00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:38,220 for a wise, responsible person 77 00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:41,160 to take care of their children for a day? 78 00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:44,220 - Oh, now, that's a very good idea. - Hmm. 79 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:48,830 You know, I might even bid on that mys-- Oh, you mean you? 80 00:04:50,483 --> 00:04:53,253 Excuse me, but what happened to the day 81 00:04:53,283 --> 00:04:57,333 when you actually tried to hide your horror? 82 00:04:57,366 --> 00:05:01,996 Well, um, you see, um, the thing is, I'm afraid 83 00:05:02,330 --> 00:05:04,380 that, um, you're so good 84 00:05:04,416 --> 00:05:11,396 that, um, someone might... steal you away from me. 85 00:05:16,830 --> 00:05:17,380 Now, was that so hard? 86 00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:39,370 [YAWNS] 87 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,100 We should all pop a Tic Tac 88 00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:44,123 because we're about to sleep together. 89 00:05:45,266 --> 00:05:47,656 - Miss Fine. - Yeah? 90 00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:48,430 That is Tom's son 91 00:05:48,466 --> 00:05:52,466 who is playing so beautifully. 92 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,160 He's gonna be a concert pianist someday. 93 00:05:56,183 --> 00:05:59,503 Oh, you know, my Uncle Benny was a musician. 94 00:05:59,830 --> 00:06:02,500 Actually, it was his monkey that was the musician. 95 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:08,000 But Benny made all the costumes. 96 00:06:08,330 --> 00:06:10,420 So, Max, I read the first act to your play 97 00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:13,300 and I've been seriously thinking about investing the 5 million. 98 00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:15,503 It's quite good, isn't it? 99 00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:18,160 Dreadful. I've been looking for a surefire tax write-off. 100 00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:23,153 Well, Tom, look no further. 101 00:06:24,830 --> 00:06:25,480 Actually, I have act two 102 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,450 or should I say act phew. 103 00:06:29,483 --> 00:06:34,233 MAN:Ladies and gentlemen, the New York Restoration Project is proud to present 104 00:06:34,266 --> 00:06:37,276 your host and auctioneer for the evening 105 00:06:37,316 --> 00:06:39,416 Miss Bette Midler! 106 00:06:39,450 --> 00:06:42,160 [APPLAUSE] 107 00:06:48,183 --> 00:06:52,323 Oh, hello, hello, Miss Midler. Oh, I just adore you. 108 00:06:52,350 --> 00:06:54,170 A fan, a fan. 109 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,450 Oh, and I adore your accent. 110 00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:58,833 Oh, thanks. I owe it all to Queens. 111 00:06:58,116 --> 00:07:01,096 - Same with me and my career. - [LAUGHING] 112 00:07:03,316 --> 00:07:06,326 Oh, my mother and I love her so much. 113 00:07:06,366 --> 00:07:10,276 All those outrageous outfits and campy makeup. 114 00:07:10,316 --> 00:07:14,196 You can only get away with that on stage. 115 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:18,303 Okay, let's crank this auction into gear. 116 00:07:18,333 --> 00:07:21,133 What am I bid for this gorgeous antique chest? 117 00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:23,426 Complete with the original knobs? 118 00:07:23,466 --> 00:07:25,366 [LAUGHTER] 119 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:29,500 It's a joke. Put your hand down, Rabbi. 120 00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:31,466 But seriously, folks 121 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:36,000 you know, we're not here just to clean up the parks. 122 00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:38,400 We're gonna get all the trash out of this city. 123 00:07:38,433 --> 00:07:40,123 I did my part. 124 00:07:40,150 --> 00:07:42,330 I moved to L.A. 125 00:07:42,366 --> 00:07:44,826 [LAUGHTER] 126 00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:47,160 Time to start the bidding. 127 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,470 Let's get the cheap items out of the way first. 128 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,330 Oh, good. That will give me a chance to go to the bathroom. 129 00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:54,180 Item number one: Fran Fine. 130 00:07:54,216 --> 00:07:55,476 Oh! 131 00:07:57,133 --> 00:08:00,223 - Oh, it's you. - Oh, Miss Midler. 132 00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:04,100 I'll tell you, you are so awe-inspiring, girl. 133 00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:08,183 I mean, to have a baby at 40, I can't even imagine what that must be like. 134 00:08:08,216 --> 00:08:12,326 Let me tell you. [SCREAMS] 135 00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:14,476 OK, Ladies and gentlemen, here we have the services 136 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,450 of a professional child caregiver for one day. 137 00:08:17,483 --> 00:08:19,473 And let's start the bidding at 138 00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:23,170 20 bucks. 139 00:08:26,250 --> 00:08:28,430 Do I hear 22.50? 140 00:08:29,433 --> 00:08:32,273 Twenty-five anyone? 141 00:08:34,150 --> 00:08:37,500 Girl, you are on fire. 142 00:08:38,416 --> 00:08:41,126 $1000! 143 00:08:42,660 --> 00:08:44,200 I saw that inGypsy. 144 00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:47,123 Gypsy? 145 00:08:47,150 --> 00:08:49,400 Is there any other? 146 00:08:49,433 --> 00:08:53,383 I myself bid $2000. 147 00:08:53,416 --> 00:08:56,396 Okay, $3000. 148 00:08:56,433 --> 00:08:58,173 $4000. 149 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,100 Take it off, honey. Show us some skin! 150 00:09:04,133 --> 00:09:07,433 Sorry, sir. Just trying to drive the bidding up. 151 00:09:07,466 --> 00:09:10,246 $5000? 152 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,483 Yes! All right. 153 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,000 Going once. Going twice. 154 00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:20,500 Sold to bidder number 550 for $5000. Okay. 155 00:09:20,830 --> 00:09:22,230 Who the devil is number 550? 156 00:09:32,333 --> 00:09:35,273 Oh, I'm sorry, honey, that I can't spend time with you 157 00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:39,370 but a little boy bid a lot of money to spend the day with me. 158 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,330 Hey, I've got $5000. 159 00:09:41,366 --> 00:09:44,246 I'd pay that to have you all to myself for a day. 160 00:09:44,283 --> 00:09:48,333 Oh, sweetie. 161 00:09:48,366 --> 00:09:51,196 Oh, no, it wouldn't be right, no. 162 00:09:51,233 --> 00:09:53,003 Wouldn't be right. 163 00:09:53,330 --> 00:09:55,450 You know, if you hadn't donated your services 164 00:09:55,483 --> 00:09:58,173 I wouldn't have been shamed into donating mine. 165 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,180 Oh, big deal. It's one day. You did a good deed 166 00:10:01,216 --> 00:10:03,426 - and you raised some money for charity. - Mm. 167 00:10:03,466 --> 00:10:07,326 Best 37 bucks I ever spent. 168 00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:14,830 You can start by washing the car and changing the oil. 169 00:10:14,116 --> 00:10:15,216 You don't have a car. 170 00:10:15,250 --> 00:10:17,280 I rented one. 171 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:24,660 Now, Miss Fine, before Tom and his son get here 172 00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:27,220 remember, we have a little saying in the theater. 173 00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:29,230 "Mess up with the investor 174 00:10:29,266 --> 00:10:32,126 move back in with your mother." 175 00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:36,226 Well, I have a saying too. 176 00:10:36,266 --> 00:10:40,826 "Mess with the nanny, please." 177 00:10:42,283 --> 00:10:43,273 [DOORBELL RINGS] 178 00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:46,500 Oh, I'll get it. I'll get it. 179 00:10:46,830 --> 00:10:51,230 - Isn't that a cute saying? - Yes, yes. Very funny, Miss Fine. 180 00:10:51,266 --> 00:10:52,296 Thank you. 181 00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:55,483 Tom, Keith, do come in. Welcome both of you. 182 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,220 Max, I read the second act. 183 00:10:58,250 --> 00:11:00,000 It's actually quite good. 184 00:11:00,330 --> 00:11:02,420 - Oh, we'll fix that. - Okay. 185 00:11:02,450 --> 00:11:06,370 So, Tom, why don't you go on ahead to the study and I'll be right in. 186 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:11,830 See if we can't suck the funny out of act two. 187 00:11:11,116 --> 00:11:13,226 Now, Miss Fine, remember, the child is a gifted pianist. 188 00:11:13,266 --> 00:11:16,246 Please make sure he practices at least two hours like his father asked. 189 00:11:16,283 --> 00:11:21,003 Sure, sure. But, you know, the kid's got to have some fun too. 190 00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:24,370 Have you ever seen a lady get her hair highlighted? 191 00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:33,230 Keith, I just wanna thank you for offering to play the piano 192 00:11:33,266 --> 00:11:36,246 - for my grandma's rest home. - When did I do that? 193 00:11:36,283 --> 00:11:38,233 At the Clinique counter, don't you remember? 194 00:11:38,266 --> 00:11:41,326 When we were getting our eyebrows reshaped. 195 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,480 Hi, Yetti. 196 00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:48,480 Where is everybody? 197 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,270 Exhausted. 198 00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:56,220 Last night, the cable went out, so we broke into the vitamin E. 199 00:11:57,300 --> 00:12:01,350 That dayroom was likeCaligula. 200 00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:06,380 You see that thumb? I lost it on Iwo Jima. 201 00:12:06,416 --> 00:12:08,316 That's my big toe they put there. 202 00:12:08,350 --> 00:12:10,380 Couldn't tell, right? 203 00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:15,420 Honey, go play "Moonlight Sonata." 204 00:12:15,450 --> 00:12:18,380 And listen, don't be upset if they're not impressed. 205 00:12:18,416 --> 00:12:23,126 Most of them heard Beethoven do it himself. 206 00:12:23,166 --> 00:12:25,496 You're the entertainer today, huh? 207 00:12:25,830 --> 00:12:28,170 Play something with a "Hava Nagila" beat. You know? 208 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:33,130 - [PLAYING CLASSICAL PIANO] - I love that song. 209 00:12:33,166 --> 00:12:37,326 - ♪♪ Hello, Dolly Well, hello, Dolly ♪♪ - [RYTHYM INCREASES] 210 00:12:37,660 --> 00:12:41,660 ♪♪ It's so nice to have you back Where you belong ♪♪ 211 00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:42,420 Big finish, everybody. 212 00:12:42,450 --> 00:12:44,350 ♪♪ Dolly, don't go away ♪♪ 213 00:12:44,383 --> 00:12:49,233 ♪♪ Dolly don't ever go away Dolly don't ever go away ♪♪ 214 00:12:56,183 --> 00:12:58,473 Oh, oh, Keith, you know, it's all right. 215 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,180 He-- He's gonna be all right. 216 00:13:01,216 --> 00:13:05,126 He's just taking a little break. 217 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,660 This sort of thing happens all the time. 218 00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:13,120 You just keep playing. 219 00:13:13,150 --> 00:13:14,370 I can't. I can't. 220 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,280 Sure you can. Sure you can. 221 00:13:16,316 --> 00:13:20,176 [LAUGHS] He's just resting. 222 00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,316 Right, Yetta? 223 00:13:21,350 --> 00:13:23,220 Sure. 224 00:13:24,233 --> 00:13:27,423 Sweetheart, I'm next in line 225 00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:32,420 for that Italian guy's corner room with the bidet. 226 00:13:32,450 --> 00:13:36,370 Can you play the tarantella? 227 00:13:43,330 --> 00:13:45,160 [GROANS] 228 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:49,150 I just spent four hours putting together a gazebo for Miss Babcock's terrace. 229 00:13:49,183 --> 00:13:51,103 Miss Babcock doesn't have a terrace. 230 00:13:51,133 --> 00:13:53,163 Now we both know. 231 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,450 Chop-chop. I need to hem my aunt's dress. 232 00:13:57,483 --> 00:14:00,133 Since when do you sew? 233 00:14:00,166 --> 00:14:03,296 Since I spent $37 on a dummy. 234 00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:09,320 - [PLAYING PIANO OFFKEY] - Come on, play! 235 00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:13,180 Play! Play! 236 00:14:15,233 --> 00:14:17,183 I can't. I can't. 237 00:14:17,216 --> 00:14:20,246 I told you, I don't ever wanna play again. 238 00:14:20,283 --> 00:14:26,183 Maybe a nice piece of cheesecake would induce a little "Muskrat Love?" 239 00:14:28,216 --> 00:14:30,376 I can't eat when I'm upset. 240 00:14:30,416 --> 00:14:33,426 Oh, that's right. Your mother's a Gentile. 241 00:14:37,450 --> 00:14:44,130 Maybe if you played at our home, it'd snap you out of it. 242 00:14:44,166 --> 00:14:45,316 No. Wait. 243 00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:48,130 They don't want piano players. 244 00:14:48,166 --> 00:14:51,366 Some kid just killed a guy. 245 00:14:57,383 --> 00:15:02,273 Val, if he's this traumatized by seeing an old man die 246 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:06,120 what's he gonna do when he sees Mr. Sheffield tear me apart? 247 00:15:06,150 --> 00:15:08,380 - He's gonna turn into Tommy. - [SIGHS] 248 00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:12,170 I know what he's going through. 249 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:16,170 I saw my grandfather die after his lung machine suddenly stopped. 250 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,000 Oh, it was so sad. 251 00:15:18,330 --> 00:15:20,180 Because I brought him a tape of our glee club 252 00:15:20,216 --> 00:15:23,266 and just when I found a place to plug it in... 253 00:15:29,333 --> 00:15:30,483 he went. 254 00:15:36,830 --> 00:15:38,220 Val! 255 00:15:38,250 --> 00:15:41,170 I didn't know you had a tape of our glee club. 256 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,400 Yeah. 257 00:15:44,383 --> 00:15:48,423 You know, Fran, maybe Keith's father won't be that upset. 258 00:15:48,450 --> 00:15:52,330 My parents were fine when I gave up my musical career 259 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,130 after seven years of lessons. 260 00:15:54,166 --> 00:15:57,176 Yeah, but, Val, you knew you were never gonna be great 261 00:15:57,216 --> 00:16:00,326 at playing the triangle. 262 00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:07,246 His father is just gonna freak. And how long can I stall 263 00:16:07,283 --> 00:16:10,283 before Mr. Sheffield is gonna find out? 264 00:16:10,316 --> 00:16:13,176 [MR. SHEFFIELD] Miss Fine! 265 00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:18,423 There goes seeing The English Patient. 266 00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:23,330 Mr. Sheffield, Mr. Sheffield 267 00:16:23,660 --> 00:16:26,150 just because I've deprived the world of the next Victor Borge 268 00:16:26,183 --> 00:16:29,663 does not mean that his father is gonna take out 269 00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:31,230 the $5 million from your show? 270 00:16:33,116 --> 00:16:36,296 Miss Fine, I was just calling to see if you took my Wite-Out again 271 00:16:36,333 --> 00:16:39,353 for your French tips. You what? 272 00:16:40,450 --> 00:16:43,330 What have you done to Tom's son? 273 00:16:43,366 --> 00:16:46,246 Well, I took him to Yetta's home 274 00:16:46,283 --> 00:16:51,223 and a man with a toe on his thumb died in front of him. 275 00:16:52,450 --> 00:16:56,170 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I can't believe this. 276 00:16:56,200 --> 00:17:00,380 Well, neither can I until I shook hands with a bunion. 277 00:17:03,830 --> 00:17:06,500 Look, Mr. Sheffield, even if the worst happens 278 00:17:06,830 --> 00:17:09,220 you'll get another investor for your show. 279 00:17:09,250 --> 00:17:14,250 Not after I spent a week taking the story and jokes out of it! 280 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:18,183 Let's just hope Bette Midler's charity's smart enough to cash that check fast. 281 00:17:18,216 --> 00:17:20,426 Well, look, he's not going to take it out 282 00:17:20,466 --> 00:17:23,146 on the whole show business community 283 00:17:23,183 --> 00:17:26,663 just because I made one itty, bitty mistake. 284 00:17:26,100 --> 00:17:30,100 Don't bet the kibbutz,bubbe. 285 00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:34,503 The kid called his father and now he's pulling all his money out of my charity! 286 00:17:34,830 --> 00:17:37,660 Oh, that littlepisher must have called him 287 00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:38,450 when I took him to Bloomingdales. 288 00:17:38,483 --> 00:17:41,203 You went to Bloomingdales after someone had died? 289 00:17:41,233 --> 00:17:44,173 Well, it always makes me feel better. 290 00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:49,470 Oh, Miss Midler, I-- I'm so sorry. 291 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,120 I-- I usually never make mistakes like this. 292 00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:55,400 Ignore his shocked expression. 293 00:17:58,150 --> 00:18:00,300 Listen, I'll do anything to make it up to. 294 00:18:00,333 --> 00:18:02,283 Just tell me what I should do. 295 00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:05,330 Start running. 296 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,480 Oh, Miss Midler. 297 00:18:24,383 --> 00:18:27,203 I'm one of your biggest fans. 298 00:18:27,233 --> 00:18:28,353 That's a shocker. 299 00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:35,123 [GRUNTING] 300 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,430 Stop hitting me with that purse! 301 00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:46,180 - Now, what's wrong with this picture? - I give up. 302 00:18:46,216 --> 00:18:49,316 We're Jewish, we're running, and there's macaroons over there. 303 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,450 Are they fresh? 304 00:18:52,483 --> 00:18:55,223 - Who cares? - Who cares? 305 00:18:57,330 --> 00:18:59,320 BOTH: Mmm! 306 00:18:59,350 --> 00:19:02,370 [CLASSICAL PIANO PLAYING] 307 00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:12,170 Miss Fine? Miss Fine, how did you do this? 308 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,280 It's not important how. 309 00:19:14,316 --> 00:19:16,416 What's important is it was done. 310 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,370 How was it done? 311 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:24,350 I think I've learned a thing or two from somebody around here. 312 00:19:30,316 --> 00:19:32,476 - It was me. - It was me. 313 00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:40,270 Okay, Ringo, are we back in the saddle, babe? 314 00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:42,000 Well, it seems that way. 315 00:19:42,330 --> 00:19:45,160 You get your parks cleaned, I get to do my show. 316 00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,470 Now, I just have to persuade Tom the third act is worse 317 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,400 than the first two. 318 00:19:50,433 --> 00:19:54,203 Oh, if push comes to shove, you'll just cast it really bad. 319 00:19:54,233 --> 00:19:57,163 And there's your leading lady now. 320 00:20:08,216 --> 00:20:09,476 Oh, you don't have to thank me. 321 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,180 It's my gift to you. 322 00:20:12,216 --> 00:20:15,366 Well, just finish out the hour and send him home. 323 00:20:17,233 --> 00:20:19,353 Oh, you're welcome. 324 00:20:20,350 --> 00:20:22,220 [DEVIOUS LAUGH] 325 00:20:30,283 --> 00:20:33,333 Oh, Niles. 326 00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:38,120 All those years of kneading dough really paid off. 327 00:20:41,383 --> 00:20:43,003 You know what? 328 00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:46,220 Let's lose the sheet. I'm not shy. 329 00:20:55,116 --> 00:20:59,826 How much longer do we have to go? 330 00:20:59,116 --> 00:21:00,476 MORTY: Fifteen minutes. 331 00:21:06,660 --> 00:21:10,830 How can that be, Morty? You said that 15 minutes ago. 332 00:21:10,116 --> 00:21:12,266 I'm going by the VCR clock. 333 00:21:17,116 --> 00:21:19,396 You have five minutes to go. 334 00:21:19,433 --> 00:21:21,303 Five minutes? 335 00:21:21,333 --> 00:21:25,203 Then let's take it all off. I'm not embarrassed. 336 00:21:45,433 --> 00:21:48,163 [♪♪♪]